Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
