I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
