I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
