It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
