im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
