I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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