Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
