6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
