Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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