I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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