am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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