apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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