I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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