I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
