i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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