Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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