how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
