I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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