My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
