go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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