so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She bit a glass in half.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
