It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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