I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
