Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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