Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
