butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
