Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
