If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
