when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
