Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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