Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
