I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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