Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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