I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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