Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
