jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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