Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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