Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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