I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
