Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
