Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
