The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
