My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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