Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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