Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The air was thick with penises
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
