sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
