Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
