As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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