This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
