I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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