we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
