i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
