Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
