I love black thongs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
