i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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