I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
