We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize