Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
