im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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