I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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