That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
