so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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