Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
