Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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