Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
