No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
