I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there was a trapeze. enough said
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
