Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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