So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You can't special order awesome
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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