so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
