I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
