Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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