dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
