and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
