I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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