any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
