sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
