sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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