I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
