I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
