Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
