look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
