i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
