So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
