'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
