you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
