Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
