with your own penis?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
