Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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