I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
